Eyes of Eden

I highlighted the things I would change in a bold font. November, and the leaves start to fall Still it already feels like winter Stand here, remembering How you always ...

You do a good job with those stray actions that really don't mean anything, without going overboard. It really puts me in the story like I'm really there. However in ...

Not bad... Not bad at all. You have good dialouge skills, decent character chemistry, and a gift in character naming. One thing, you may want to work on is your ...

It's definitely not as good as "Eye's of the Empire" but it's not nescessarily bad! I like the ending line, but the message was just a little TOO clear for ...

WOW!! TALK ABOUT GETTING INSIDE THE CHARACTER'S HEAD! There's one thing I love and it's when characters do small things that make such a big impact. That last sentence just ...

It's a good start Just remember that plot twists make or break a story. You've got a great beggining here that has real potential. The one thing you need to ...

Hmmm. Intriguing! I really liked the parts where you said, "I've seen... But these are..." It was great way to put what you see into perspective and you put right ...

Very good! It's exciting and keeps the reader reading the whole way through. You had a way of creating imagery without making it too descriptive. I also liked the way ...

Personally one of the best endings I've ever read. It was short, sweet and to the point. You got your message across beautifully without being TOO obvious. You should think ...

It's a good start. You hooked me from the first word, "Blood" It's a great way to grab a readers attention. (And I'm NOT saying this because it's exactly how ...

Let me see if I can translate this. It sounds like it is about a guy who did not do really well in life, and some kind of holy figure ...

Rei makes a point although some of the things you say in here are to "poetical" -- in search of a better term -- to be considered natural dialouge. Unless ...

Oh wow. Great job! I get the feeling that it's either about starting over or having a child. Which is it? I'm DYING to know! lol What a perfect way ...

As a pure Christian I can really apreciate this poem. The story of Adam and Eve was a great way to tell this kind of situation. A message of forgiveness ...